The Patient Person for April 20, 2007

• By LAURIE SMITH ANDERSON
• Advocate columnist
• Published: Apr 20, 2007

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I waited for my son to answer the phone and surreptitiously hid the bite of beef he had served me. The meat was too much for me to digest, but I didn’t want to offend Casey, who has perfected his specially marinated burgers and grills them regularly for the family.

Since I was diagnosed with colon cancer, Casey has been intent on feeding me nutritious food much as I once waited patiently with him at the dinner table, prodding him to finish his peas and drink all of his milk. And, as he did then, I sometimes protest. He probably hid a little food too.

As my cancer has progressed, my increasing physical limitations have brought on new roles for family members.

The kids I used to feed, now help to feed me.

My husband, Bob, has never spent much time in the kitchen, but now he fixes meals, handles the dishes and keeps things surprisingly orderly. He’s even rearranged some cabinets and drawers so he can find things.

After years of running the house and raising the kids, I’ve had to learn to step back to let people help me, which has left me with a sense of lost independence.

I have found ways to maintain some control. I keep to-do lists and assign chores to my kids. But they come back with tasks for me as well.

My daughter, Sarah, watches me closely as I sit in the living room and directs me back to bed for a nap when I look exhausted.

Casey and Bob prod me with water, juice and bird-sized bits of food.

They keep careful track of the pills I have to swallow.

They help me get out of bed.

They steady me when I walk.

When my fingers can’t seem to find the right place on the keyboard, family members take dictation.