The Patient Person for March 24

• By LAURIE SMITH ANDERSON
• Advocate staff writer
• Published: Mar 24, 2006

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When my friend Katherine nearly died from a heart attack four years ago, her tech-savvy husband, Warren, immediately established an e-mail list of family and friends to update them on her condition.

“Our (e-mail) distribution group helped save my sanity,” Warren said. “With friends and family spread all over the United States and Europe, I was able to keep everyone informed without making dozens of daily phone calls. It also reduced the spread of misinformation that usually accompanies ‘re-told stories’.”

Soon after my diagnosis of colon cancer last October, I remembered Warren’s advice. Too sick initially to get on the computer, I had my husband alert family and friends about my illness. Upon returning home, I took over the job.

I made two lists, one for co-workers and another for friends and family, and promised to update them weekly on my condition. When I had to go back in the hospital, my husband logged on to my account to let people know what was going on.

For those who hadn’t yet heard my news, I found e-mail a gentler way to break it than calling by phone to announce, “I have cancer.” My husband and I found those calls emotionally draining when we had to repeat bad news over and over.

E-mail also has the advantage of being read and answered at convenient times for both parties. Visits and phone calls are difficult when I’m not feeling well or need sleep.

Every Monday, I let friends and family know what my chemo schedule is, how I’m feeling and what else is going on in my life.

“I’m gonna be a redhead,” I titled one of my early e-mails where I talked about picking out a short, sassy dark red wig to prepare for possible hair loss during chemo. More than halfway through treatment, I still haven’t lost my hair but I haven’t returned the wig yet either “just in case.”

In return, I get the most wonderful e-mails back offering prayers, encouragement and every form of assistance I could need. Friends and co-workers have made numerous trips to our house with soups, casseroles, muffins and other treats.

Since I started writing this column and news of my cancer spread, I’ve heard by e-mail from people I haven’t talked to in years.

My childhood orthodontist, my kids’ high school English teacher and cancer survivors I had previously interviewed were among them. So were total strangers who poured their hearts out to me.

“When I was 45 years old, I was given a diagnosis of colon cancer,” one survivor wrote me. “I was so occupied with caring for my four children and my husband that I had very little time to even think about my cancer. I just did what needed doing … Last summer I celebrated my 80th birthday.

“I pray that your doctors will give of their utmost on your behalf and that the love and support of your friends and family will surround you and uplift you as never before.”