|
|
Movie Review: The Love Guru
Laughs few in 'The Love Guru'
By Brett Troxler
btroxler@wbrz.com
Web Producer
|
PLAY OFFICIAL TRAILER
out of 4 stars.
There’s that old adage about bad movies: “I’ve seen better film on teeth.” Another is a favorite of a friend of mine: “I wouldn’t see that movie if it were showing in my glasses.” Both apply to the summer release of “The Love Guru,” starring Mike Myers and a cast of people that must be subject to blackmail at his hand. I see no other way they would have agreed to be associated with this jewel of Hollywood cinema. Well other than money, I guess.
If you are unfortunate enough to find yourself with a ticket to see “The Love Guru,” and if you can stomach the “Beverly Hills Chihuahua” preview that will inevitably run beforehand, you’ll stumble upon the following mind-numbing plot. Born in America but raised in India, the world-renowned Guru Pitka (Myers) has aspirations to one day appear on Oprah. So when he’s summoned by the owner of the Toronto Maple Leafs, Jane Bullard (Jessica Alba), to fix the love life of professional hockey player Darren Roanoke (Romany Malco), he gladly accepts. If he can work his magic and help the Leafs get off the schneid and win Lord Stanley’s Cup, the high profile case will surely propel Pitka toward his lifelong dream.
And with that story Myers has managed his crowning achievement in unfunny. “The Love Guru” attempts to poke fun at the commercialization of Eastern religions, but the many plays on words and anagrams used fall flat on their keisters. From a game of “Stink Mop” to the finale of pachyderm passion, the jokes and gags range from the crude to the disgusting to the painfully unclever. I can count the sincere laughs I had on one hand, and one of the few came as the result of a Law & Order reference. Doink, doink!
Despite not being funny, the movie isn’t the most well-made piece of filmmaking either. There are spots of bad voice over work and blatantly obvious continuity errors. Nothing can save this movie. Not a “Wayne’s World” reference, not Jessica Alba, not Justin Timberlake doing the robot in goalie gear. Nothing.
Movies like this make me weep for the future of the film industry and all those it affects. Who do I feel most sorry for? Mariska Hargitay. Myself. America. Jessica Alba’s new baby — because one day she’ll be old enough to realize her mother had a part in this movie, and there’s no honor in that.
“The Love Guru” is rated PG-13, but I honestly think there enough racy content here to warrant an R rating. Me, I’d invent a new rating, SUM, and the reason is twofold. One, because summer “blockbusters” with so much name recognition generally add up to big money for the studio behind them. And two — and this is the important part — because you should do yourself a favor and…
Save
Ur
Money™
If you see one new movie this weekend, see “Get Smart.” The alternative is to “Get Dumb” with “The Love Guru,” but do your brain cells a favor and pull your favorite Mel Brooks film off your DVD shelf if it’s comedy you crave. There’s none to be found here.
