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Movie Review: Witless Protection
Laughs are stale in ‘Witless Protection’
By Michael Farrar
Special to 2theadvocate.com
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PLAY OFFICIAL TRAILER
out of 4 stars.
A lot of standup comedians work hard to create an instantly understood character, like Larry the Cable Guy. The Blue Collar Comedy show branded his semi-clueless Southern redneck image across the TV-watching brains of America.
Movie studios have lined up to plug Larry into bland comedies to cash in on his audience. From the very start, this one, “Witless Protection,” has trouble getting up to demolition-derby speed.
The heavy-drawl delivery of the “git-r-done” punch-line brought Dan Whitney (Larry's real name) media stardom. He has transferred his fame to feature films (“Delta Farce” and “Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector”) that seem to aim at cable TV and DVD sales. It's a safe bet and hardly surprising that this film serves up much of the same style of humor.
The “git-r-done” comic plays Deputy Larry Stadler, a small town officer with delusions of being a tough and sharp cop as seen in movies and TV shows. When he mistakenly takes charge of a beautiful federal witness (played by Ivana Milicevic), the misadventure begins to limp along.
From there on, the beauty and the dimwit are on the run from both good guys and bad guys in order to get her safely to a trial to testify. Now, I can get behind a funny chase movie (“Midnight Run,” for example) with all of the close calls and surprise escapes, but they don't seem to ever arrive in "Witless Protection."
Larry is likable enough to get some laughs, and his fans may simply enjoy him just clocking into a comedy-skit level of the film. But I would like to see him do something more than what he already gives us in his stand up comedy.
This Southern-fried Cable Guy did a fantastic job as the voice of a broken-down tow truck in the "Cars" animated hit. However, “Witless Protection” feels like it was just thrown together. However, you can see very talented actors like Joe Mantegna (as Doc Savage), Eric Roberts (as Wilford Duvall) and Peter Stormare (as Arthur Grimsley) do horribly bad Southern and British accents.
I can see Hollywood's marketing logic. Comedians are perfect for movie publicity.
They can go on talk shows to plug their latest film, get laughs and cash the check without having to look back at the movie. Comics like David Spade, Martin Lawrence and Rob Schneider give hilarious TV, radio and magazine interviews, but a lot of their movies somehow forget to be funny.
If you loved "The Dukes of Hazzard," the old "Hee Haw" TV show or "Blue Collar TV," then this film might add up to a movie ticket if there is nothing good on TV. But if you want a film that goes beyond a handful of obvious jokes reheated and re-served, then "Witless Protection" will seem stale.
