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Let ‘Commandments’ go straight to video
Movie Review: The Ten Commandments
By Patrick Rills
Special to 2theadvocate.com
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out of 4 stars.
Although this film is computer animated, don’t expect the lively quality of Pixar. I doubt this movie’s imagery would have impressed audiences ten years ago. The graphics make it seem more like the introduction of a cheap Nintendo 64 console game than a feature film. The characters move with a lack of fluidity similar to that of the reanimated corpse of Mr. Roboto. Besides the characters, even textures and liquids had the unpolished look of amateur artists, with the parted Red Sea looking like two massive Jell-O molds.
The movie’s designers obviously didn’t realize that the foundation of any good animation is character design. Many of the characters in the first half are hardly distinguishable. The few characters that were unique felt visually out of place. There were even some overweight Hebrew slaves, and the Pharaoh’s young son was hideously reminiscent of less cuddly Chucky doll.
It’s difficult to determine the film’s target audience. The dialogue and tone are too juvenile for older moviegoers. However, the fast pacing and numerous death-filled sequences would confuse and maybe even frighten children. The entire story is crammed into 88 minutes leaving little time for the viewer to grasp one scene before being jerked into another. You may remember that it took the 1950s Heston version almost four hours to cover the same material.
Did they really expect children to follow or adults to focus on such a condensed story?
There wasn’t much in this movie to keep the audience’s interest. The action scenes weren’t visually gripping and the conversations were so trite it removed all believability. Some mild humor was injected throughout, but never at appropriate times.
Note to producers, there’s nothing light-hearted about infanticide.
Most of star-studded cast phoned in their performances. Christian Slater (Moses), Alfred Molina (Ramses), and Elliott Gould (God) could read directions on a shampoo bottle with more feeling and enthusiasm than they delivered in this film The only thing more ridiculous than casting Slater as Moses would be casting him as God.
I know Hollywood has been trying to ride the Christian gravy train since the success of “Passion of the Christ,” but this pitiful rehashing of a Bible story is nothing but a transparent attempt to fleece parents in the Bible Belt. Also, considering Hollywood’s addiction to terrible remakes, this film was a recipe for disaster. One day they’ll learn that remakes only work when there’s something new artistically to bring to the table. In the meantime, catch the Heston version on TV this Easter.
