Smiley Anders for September 9, 2008

• By SMILEY ANDERS
• Advocate columnist
• Published: Sep 9, 2008 - Page: 1B - UPDATED: 12:05 a.m.

• Print
• Email
• Save
• Share

• Del.icio.us
• Digg
• Facebook
• Reddit
• 

I remember the old    Western movies when, at some critical point, the    telegraph operator would stop pounding away on his key and shout, “They’ve cut the line!”

This meant that (choose one) renegade Apaches/the James gang/Jack Palance had severed the telegraph wire so that the cavalry/the sheriff’s posse/John Wayne couldn’t know about the attack and come riding to the rescue and save the town/fort/wagon train.

This was supposed to be happening a century or more ago, so the primitive practice of stringing wires along rickety wooden poles was understandable.

But today, as we recover from yet another devastating storm and wait for power to come back on, does it occur to anyone that perhaps there’s a better way to deliver electricity?

After all, at my house both water and natural gas come in via underground pipes that are unseen and, except on rare occasions, trouble-free.

I know, the argument is that underground wiring is too expensive.

But how expensive is it to have crews from all over the country out working day and night for weeks? What about  the loss of life-saving power to hospitals and nursing homes? How great is the cost to communities, to businesses? Is there a way to measure human suffering?

I live close to downtown, and benefited from the fact that nearby restaurants and stores with underground wiring were able to keep me supplied with hot coffee and sandwiches during the six days or so we were without power.

Burying wires seems like a good idea — any way we could do more of it?

Maybe then we could keep those Apaches from raiding our wagon train. …

Childspeak revisited
Jackie Upton says, “Don’tcha just love kids and their refreshing take on events?”

She says 5-year-old Anna Clair “was not too impressed with Hurricane Goof-Off.”

Pat’s version
Fellow Advocate columnist Pat Shingleton denies saying that I’m the only man he knows who can walk into an empty room and immediately blend in: